Songs and writing

I like to listen to music when I'm writing. It sets a mood, a tone, that infuses what I'm writing, and helps me get to that semi-trance state in which I write. Right now I'm listening to Jem's Falling for You and Depeche Mode's Home a lot. Often I'll listen something which has a connection to what I'm writing, lyrically or in mood. I used music for PHOTO a great deal. There were three tracks from Lucinda Williams that fit one of the characters perfectly. Hank, actually. It gave me a window into him that I don't think I otherwise would have gotten. Right now I'm revising SEA CHANGE and I haven't found that many songs that pertain so far, but I'll create a playlist.

I saw My Boy Jack on PBS last night. It was very moving. Daniel Radcliffe from Harry Potter played Jack. He did a marvelous job. The whole cast was excellent. It was about WWI and one family's experience of it. It was about Rudyard Kipling's family. Kipling wrote a poem about his son which is one of those poems that make you tingle all over from its brilliance and its emotional power. Here are the last two stanzas:

"Oh dear, what comfort can I find?"
None this tide,
Nor any tide,
Except he did not shame his kind--
Not even with that wind blowing, and that tide.

Then hold up your head all the more,
This tide,
And every tide,
Because he was the son you bore,
And gave to that wind blowing and that tide!

Sunday morning

It's Sunday morning and we're waiting to see if my Dad is going to make pancakes. He usually does on a Sunday. You have to wait for him to wake up though. Mom and Dad actually sleep in now that Mom's retired. They are leaving next week for Omaha: another trip! It's time for the Berkshire Hathaway conference and Dad has gone most years but now Mom can go too. Also, they found out my aunt and uncle Gallagher are going to be able to come out to Inverness this summer. They've never been. Mom and Dad and they will be there right before William and I arrive. Mom and Dad leave for an Alaskan cruise on July 5th; William and I arrive at Inverness July 6th. William and I are hoping we'll be able to stay for three weeks to a month, with him working the part after two weeks. We'll be going up to Tahoe to stay at Christie and Andrew's condo after the first two weeks at Inverness. There William will be able to get a high-speed internet connection so he can do his work. He'll be working 7 to 3 to make up for the time difference.

Oop, now I can hear Dad is up. Let's hope for those pancakes!

Scary movies

I haven't done so well on the writing front the last few days. I haven't even written in the blog. I'm out of ink, out of ideas, out of energy, out of ammo. That lassitude which floats down on me intermittently has descended. I haven't slept well, which hasn't helped I suppose. Going through more adjustment to the lowering of my medication, probably. But maybe these are all excuses and I'm just afraid to tackle the beast, my book. Those sixty pages spooked me and I feel nervous about cutting and changing. I haven't made adjustments to this manuscript for so long. Now William is lying on the bed staring at me putting me "out of countenance" as Jane Austen would say.

I've been reading an Agatha Christie book, The Pale Horse, which is kind of creepy. It's about three witches who kill people by wishing them ill. At least that's the idea so far. I don't know how it will end. It doesn't have Hercules Poirot or Miss Jane Marple in it. I'm afraid to read more, because one of the main characters is in jeopardy and I don't know if they'll kill her off. I'd like to read some Jane Austen as I just watched all of her books on TV on PBS and it made me want to read them again. I own a huge book which has all of her books in it, but the book is so big it's hard to hold it. I got it for twenty dollars at Barnes and Noble. Probably the book I'd take with me to a desert island.

William and I have been watching the Alien movies. I remember watching Aliens (I had been too young to see the first one) and being in a state of extreme tension the entire time. It scared the socks off me. I remember Mom being pretty tense too. I thought there was a third one where they're on a prison planet and everyone had to have their head shaved because of lice, but that one doesn't seem to be at the video store. Just Alien Resurrection, which I think is the fourth one. I'll have to check it on IMDb.

Whew. I just thought I lost this whole blog (horrible loss to humanity) because I went to another tab, but I found the draft eventually. I was just setting one of our wedding pictures to my desktop background. I chose one of the ones we sent to Renaissance Magazine, and which I love. It's William and I facing the camera but looking at each other. It shows our costumes beautifully and I like that we're looking at each other. We need to print out a bunch of these pictures so I can fill a little photo book with them and bring it around in my purse. Otherwise how will I explain how wonderful our wedding was without photographic evidence?

Our whole family, except William who was at work, went to see Lige do one of his last survival swimming classes. He did a wonderful starfish, floating on his own in the pool. We had fun watching all the little kids learn and polish their floating and swimming survival skills. It's very important work, which may save one of these kid's lives.

I got William's iPod because he made the momentous decision to get an iPhone. I think he's in love with it. Luckily he's married to me already.

My computer is doing a weird flashing of the screen thing, which concerns me. I hope it doesn't mean it's going out. I better save my stuff again to my thumb drive just in case. I'll be bringing the first one or two chapters of SEA CHANGE to writing group this next time. It will be interesting to see what the group makes of it as two of them have never read it.

My weight is being as stubborn as ever. I'm back down to what seems to be my set point, or whatever. I can't seem to get below it, except for a glimmering. I want to fit into all my clothes again!

The haircut I got recently is driving me a little nuts. It's graduated from back to front and the longer front part is just a problem. I think a blunt cut works better on my hair. Ever since it changed to wavy my darn hair has been a problem. I got it all cut off and it seems to be even more of a problem because the back and sides want to stick up at weird angles. At least when it was long it didn't do that. It probably needed to be cut off anyway because it wasn't in the best of shape, but that's beside the point. At least I can still put it back in a little ponytail if necessary. All my scintillating news!

It's not so easy

I started going through the hard copy of my manuscript and making notes on it about what needs to change. It was a little overwhelming. In part III, where I am now, there are a lot of scenes without Connor. So either I need to rewrite the scene and find a way to get Connor in there, or turn it into a diary entry, or cut the scene. I got through about 60 pages today making notes, etc., but it didn't feel like enough somehow. It's definitely going to be a challenge. I guess an even bigger job than I thought. I don't know how well it will work to cut some of the scenes which give insights into some of the characters' individual thoughts because it's from their POV. Maybe I'm too concerned about losing those scenes. The reader can so often make the leaps on his own, filling in the blanks with his own imagination.

William is playing World of Warcraft for game night tonight. He's downstairs doing it remotely. WoW game night is inviolate. I can hear him talking to his fellow gamers right now. I'm watching a TV special about Chris Farley's SNL career. It's great to see some of his sketches again.

I've been having allergies for weeks now. It makes the inside of my ears and the roof of my mouth itch. I keep taking Benadryl but it only works so well. I am ready for bed.

An early start

On Sunday Mom and Dad, Kim and Alan, and William and I went to Town Lake and walked around it. We stopped along the way to see the Austin Nature Center and to eat at Taco Cabana. It was a nice walk and I got a chance to talk to Kim, which I haven't in a while.

Sun night I didn't sleep so well. I woke at 2 am and couldn't get back to sleep. So I went downstairs after lying there a while and watched TV. I saw French in Action, a video series we used for my French class in college. It was fun to watch; only a half hour, but chock full of French. I couldn't remember a lot of it. It was lesson 31.

This morning around 7:30 I started working on my revision. I read through the whole book on the computer. It was very interesting to read the whole thing after being away from it for years. I enjoyed it, to be honest. It was better than I thought it was, which sounds obnoxious but what I mean is I expected it to be very juvenile and immature and it surprised me. There are five parts to the book. Parts III, IV, and V will require some major revision re. POV and inserting Reven diary entries, which Michelle thought would make good interspersing chapters. I'll attack it again tomorrow, probably by highlighting on the hard copy. Now it doesn't seem like a waste to have printed it out, because I can highlight parts that need to be changed to include Connor so it's his point of view, and places where I can turn some meditation on something into a diary entry.

Elevation

I am feeling really good. I don't know if it's getting back to work writing or lowering some of my medication, but I feel great. So far, so good. I worked on SC today on the computer, revising to the agent's suggestions, and I really think it's going to work. Part three is going to be the challenge, I think. I'm still on part one, but I've only been working on it two days! I printed out the whole thing, which now I think might have been a mistake, because I'm editing on the computer. I didn't think it through how I would do this. If I had considered more carefully I would have worked my way through on the computer first, then printed out bit by bit as that piece was finished, for the writing group to see. I don't know what I'm going to do with the 300+ pages I have sitting next to my computer, now. As I read I feel my immaturity as a writer, although there are some nice moments. Sometimes it's embarrassing to read your own stuff. You think, "Oh, I could have done that so much better, but I'm not sure how." Or sometimes you are sure how and you can correct some things. I just reread my PHOTO submission to the agent and felt it was sorely lacking. However, I realize I'm not always the best judge of what's good and what's not. It can depend on my state of mind at the moment. Plus I've rewritten the beginning of PHOTO so many times it almost doesn't penetrate my mind clearly. I've gone back to an earlier version of the first chapter, which was mainly because someone in WG said it had stuck with her when she first read it almost two years ago. That's what I want--to make a real impression at the beginning, so it's strong. I hope Michelle likes it, but if she doesn't I'll just send it out again. At least I know she liked SC enough to give me feedback, and that's the most I've gotten from an agent: a whole page of advice and criticism, that is. She said the ms. thrilled and challenged her, and that's exactly what I want. So I hope we end up working together, as it sounds like we have a similar sensibility. I wonder what she'd think of my novella, IF I COULD BE WHERE YOU ARE. It's harder to sell a novella but I really like that piece and hope it finds a home someday. For now I need to concentrate on SC until I hear back about PHOTO. I hope the capitalization of the titles doesn't bug anyone; it's a convention in the publishing world which has stuck with me. One of the changes in SC that I'm making is moving Connor's age younger to make him more in line with the YA audience's tastes. So he is just graduated from prep school now instead of a junior in college. It works just fine--now Reven is the older woman, as a freshman in college! That dynamic works for the relationship, really, as she is more experienced and more confident as a person. I can't wait to see how these changes play out.

SEA CHANGE

I printed out all of SEA CHANGE in a draft mode on the printer. It took a long time. I read about the first 120 pages yesterday, very intrigued to come back to it after so long. One of the things the agent wants me to change is the roaming third person point of view, changing it entirely to Connor's point of view. That won't be a problem for the first two parts, but part three includes many POV's of different (adult) characters which they thought would be difficult for a YA reader to get into. I can see the point. I think I can do it all right; it will take a lot of work. Everything seen through his eyes...I will have a lot of fiddling around to do in part three. I think it will make a better YA novel. I may have to cut out large chunks, even, but that's okay. This will become more Connor and Reven's book. Which in the long run I think is a good thing.

Exercise

I had my third fitness assessment today at 24 hour fitness. William and I have been going for three months. I went down in everything for the last one, calipers and weight and total BMI, but this time I only went down in one caliper measurement on my arm. What, my arms are getting skinnier but not anything else? Melissa the trainer gave me some suggestions as to how to change up my routine to get out of this plateau. She suggested using the stairstepper, which is exactly like stairs except they move. I tried them out today for 20 minutes and went 60 floors. I was pouring sweat. So I guess that will get something accomplished. Then she said a total body resistance workout twice a week (weights) and increase the intensity of the elliptical, which I am doing now for around 30-50 minutes. So at least it gives me some things to shoot for. Melissa is moving so I will try Katie next time.

I've been watching the first season of Battlestar Galactica on DVD. It's very good. I love the president and Starbuck, and Commander Odama. All very well acted and produced. The editing is really good, too. It makes me wonder what my old friend Dave the editor is up to. He edits TV shows in Canada. He used to be one of the editors for La femme Nikita, and edited the first show of 24.

I slept all right last night, except for the couple of hours I was up reading in the middle of the night. So far I'm impressed with how well I'm coming down off the sleep med. It hasn't disrupted my sleep as much as I thought it would.

Nothing on the agent front as far as PHOTO goes yet. It's only been one day but I'm so eager to hear something! Not sure what to do with my corkboards full of chapter cards for PHOTO. If she's interested in the ms. then I should leave them up. If not, I should take them down and start putting some up for SEA CHANGE. I guess my first step is printing SC out but I dread it since it takes so long, uses up so much ink, and has to be babysat the entire time. I have to do it though. Otherwise I'll never get started. It's going to be interesting doing this revision. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to go about it, other than making good use of note cards and going through chapter by chapter making changes. Maybe that sounds obvious, but it's tricky with a novel when so many things are interconnected: if you change one thing it can have an effect on something twenty chapters later. The Butterfly Effect, I suppose.

Bulletin from the front

I had more contact with Michelle, the agent, today. When I answered her and told her I was excited by her suggestions and planned on implementing them, I added that I had another completed novel of adult fiction, if she was interested in seeing it. She wrote me back immediately, asking for a query in the form of the first ten pages. She said she was happy we had opened this line of communication. So am I, to say the least!

Mom and Dad got back last night from California. It was great to see them again. They had a lovely time. Now they look forward to a cruise to Alaska in July, the same time William and I will be at Inverness.

I slept really well last night.

The 14th

Yesterday was an emotionally exhausting day. I had an appointment with my doctor. I had anticipated starting to go off medication as of yesterday, since I was doing well and I thought that was our plan. Then when I told the doctor William and I didn't plan on trying until after I got back from the Vermont retreat in September, she wanted to keep me on everything as-is until after the retreat and THEN start reducing meds, or keeping me on them during the winter and getting off in the spring. I said it seemed like it kept getting put off and put off. She said she thought the winter was a difficult time for me and I might get depressed in the winter. I left feeling odd. When I got to the car I realized I was really upset. I felt out of control of my own destiny. I ended up going back in and asking to speak to her again. She squeezed me in again quickly (I had started to cry) and asked me what was going on. I told her what I'd thought about going off meds right away, or rather starting to. She suggested I wait until after our visit with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor. I couldn't see what difference that would make, as I intend to go off all meds anyway, so I said why can't I start going off the sleep medicine now? (The most dangerous one.) She said I could if I wanted to, going down one half a pill at a time. At that rate it will take two months to get off. I felt satisfied with that. At least we'd be getting somewhere. As I see it I can't avoid winter any way you slice it, so I'll have to make it through at some point. We can't just keep putting it off, because there will never be a perfect time. Last night I reduced by one half, and I did wake up at 2 a.m., staying up until 5, but I think that's only to be expected.
When I got home I had an email from Michelle, the agent who's had SEA CHANGE, my first book, for a long time and had told me recently her team would seriously consider it last week. I was very afraid to open the email. I had to brace myself for it. She passed on it, I saw in the first paragraph, but then I was astonished to see she had written more than a page of comments about the manuscript. She gave me detailed feedback on how I might improve the piece from this draft into something more marketable to a Young Adult audience. She gave me many interesting ideas to think about, all of which I liked. I can really see making these alterations and improving it that way. She said to resubmit after I had completed an "inspired revision." I feel like that's a challenge and one I'm up to. It may take several months, perhaps even the time in Vermont, but so worth the potential gain. I'm excited now to work on it again. It gives me something concrete to do, and as I was floundering sketching out my new novel this gives something to do in its place.
After such a day I felt like I'd been on a rollercoaster. It was a difficult day in that it gave me so much to think about and analyse in two very different parts of my life. I'll keep you posted as to how things go.

Writing Group of a Sunday

Yesterday started off with Writing Group. We're having it on Sundays for a while as Mimi has a temporary day-job. I brought the re-write of "Love for Real" and two new fragments about a character called Audra Phipps. They argued over which one they liked better, between the two fragments, and weren't sure if I could incorporate the two together or not. The two pieces are in very different styles. So I don't know. Maybe I could find a way to work them both into the same manuscript. That wasn't my intention, I just wanted to see which beginning they liked better. There was also a dispute about "Love for Real," Nancy arguing the characters don't change and Mimi and Mary Beth saying it captured a moment in these characters lives and stood on it's own, basically. Mary Beth said it was good it provoked such controversy. I wish more often everyone would agree, though. It makes it easier on the writer. Of course it would, but what does one go to a writing group for? Mary Beth is working on the Mad Scientist Hall of Fame, Mimi the historical fiction piece about cowgirl Lucille Mulhall, and Nancy HELD BACK, a middle grade novel. I think that's how it's described. They're all fun to read, so that makes the group interesting to attend. We have a good dynamic going.

I felt exhausted after Writing Group and took a long nap. While I had been away and during my nap William was a whirling dervish and vacuumed the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, mowed the yard, raked the leaves, and blew the leaves off the back patio. He was exhausted himself after all that. Today I need to mop the kitchen floor and clean out the kitty litter for sure, and then whatever other chores present themselves getting ready for Mom and Dad to return home. They get here Tuesday, April 15th, tomorrow.

I see Dr. Alam today after two-and-a-half months. She may reduce my medication, I'm not sure. William and I aren't going to try and do anything on the baby front until after I get back from the Vermont writers' retreat at the end of September. So she may decide to keep me on longer since it's a ways off. I had been looking forward to getting off some of it, just to see what would happen. That may be stupid, I don't know. It's curiosity and to see if I can stand on my own without it for a while, which may also be stupid. Maybe it's what is keeping me stable and feeling so good right now, and it will crash me down to come off. I'll do everything I can to prevent that. A book suggested putting a box of mementos together, positive associations, that you can look at when you're down. Things like letters from loved ones, awards you may have won, pictures of yourself when you've been happy, a list of all your proudest accomplishments. I think it's a very good idea.

Schudules and Kids in Hall (not New Kids on Block)

Yesterday was a great day. It started when I made a schedule for myself. My days have been so formless it wasn't good for me. It was satisfying to write something out and have a plan, then accomplish all those things. I woke early, but didn't start making the list until ten a.m. Here it is:

11:00-11:30 list of things to bring to Vermont
11:30-12:00 pick up room
12:00-1:30 read From Where You Dream (writing book)
1:30 lunch
2:00-3:00 Battlestar Galactica (DVD)
3:00-3:30 shower and dry hair
3:30-3:45 flat iron hair (okay maybe I was getting down to minutae here)
4:00-5:00 gym
5:00-5:45 feed cats and pick up kitchen, clean kitty litter, do dishes
5:45-6:00 rest
6:00-6:30 dress for Kids in the Hall show
6:30 leave for Kids in the Hall
7:00-10:00 Kids in the Hall (sketch comedy troupe)
10:30 bed

This really helped me. I was able to follow it and had the best day I've had in recent memory. I felt great at the end of the night. Today I made a schedule too but didn't stick to it because I wanted to hang out with Wren. I look forward to making more lists though. My mom would be so proud.

The Kids in the Hall, who used to have a show on the Comedy Network, were irreverent and hilarious. It was so much fun to see them in person. They didn't have anything on stage except tape to mark where the various interchangeable props could be placed. They made a couple of blunders and started laughing at themselves, which was funny. There were a couple of technical difficulties; whenever they would refer to a city a strange voice would come in and insert "Austin." Once the voice didn't come in for a while and they were all waiting for the disembodied voice to say "Austin." They made some local references, deriding Matthew McConaughay and one of his movies. They also mentioned a red light district. They said Austin was one of their favorite cities to visit (do they say that to all the girls?). The final skit was the old man who looks at people from far away, looks through his finger and thumb and pretends to crush their heads. "I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head!"

Kids in the Hall

The Kids in the Hall are in Austin! I'm so excited. William and I are going to see them at the Paramount tomorrow night. We'll be in the upper upper balcony, all that was left, but I don't care. The Paramount is small enough it will be fine. I was in Los Angeles when they came through there but didn't get to see them and always regretted it. Then I heard another time they had been in Austin and I didn't find out until afterwards. So it is serendipitous that we'll get to see them this time.

I went to a DBSA meeting last night. It was only moderately depressing. No, really, it was pretty good compared to some I've been to before. Most people got a chance to talk (no thanks to the facilitator) and some people were there who just moved from New Orleans. She pronounced it New OR-le-ans and had an interesting accent. It reminded me of the movie The Big Easy with Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin. I love that movie.

It was major allergiosis (okay, I coined a word) last night. All the yard work and having the cats in our room all day made it very hard to go to sleep with itchy ears and palate. I took Benadryl but it was already too late. When I got some Chloroseptic and sprayed that I was able to get to sleep.

We haven't found out yet about the Renaissance Magazine photo contest. It could be another month. Maybe we'll only find out when the magazine comes out! It's the May issue, so it's getting down to the wire.

I'm still working on the kernel of an idea for a novel. I've written about a page-and-a-half. I really don't know if I can make something of this or not. Scenes aren't springing into my head as they usually are when I have an idea. I don't know what to do at this point. Keep brainstorming, I guess. Maybe I should keep working on the short story idea about stories based on songs. My third book, a novella, is called IF I COULD BE WHERE YOU ARE, also based on a song title, so maybe it could be part of the collection. That one is by Enya. So far I have "Col" by Morcheeba, "Love for Real" by Everlast, and the Enya one.

The blister that almost was

I've finished my yard work. The pool guy came at the same time so I had company for most of it. Mowing was not a pretty sight. I mowed a hose pulley-thing you use to direct the hose. It's still functional, just not in one piece. Mowing down the weeds was satisfying. Only frustrating part was not being able to get at the weeds between plants. So around the pool it still looks pretty jungly. I had one suede glove and one cotton glove on and under the cotton one I ALMOST got a blister. Luckily I changed to another suede glove just in time. Such is the excitement at our house during the day. It will be thrilling tonight too, with William at Game Night. I have the option of going to a support meeting. I want to go and discuss some things but I don't want to listen to the other people because they depress me. Selfish, huh? It's just that everyone is so down. What else can you expect at that kind of meeting but it's supposed to help, not drag you more down. Of course I haven't been in a while. Maybe everyone's medication has kicked in and it will be an upbeat, jolly time sharing anecdotes.

Slept through the night!

I slept through the night last night. Didn't wake at all until 6:30. What a relief. I don't know what was different about last night. I had taken a nap so it wasn't that. I'm just grateful for a night of uninterrupted sleep.

Today I think I'm going to do some work in the yard. I don't know how much, but any will be better than nothing. I'm going to start weeding the bed closest to the house, and then hopefully sweeping all the red gunk the oak trees drop off the patio. I'll have to wear a mask so my allergies don't go crazy. If I'm really ambitious I'll pull out the lawn mower and/or the weed eater. We have weeds that grow in the winter in the backyard which look kind of like grass but aren't. I just hope the trees are done dropping their crud. It messes up the pool and everything else. If we just had a yard full of grass it wouldn't matter so much.

My hair is being somewhat recalcitrant. When I try to dry it wavy, it look like I've slept in it, is how William succinctly put it. So either I have to accept a bed-head look or straighten it out every time. Knowing me I'm not going to straighten it every time. But maybe I will more than I used to because it's shorter and easier to get through.

Xena is getting one-on-one time now. She is purring up a storm. She loves to sit in your lap while you're working on the computer.

My allergies are already starting to act up. Is it cat or is it the short amount of time I've already spent outside? I think Benadryl is in order. William reminded me that my trip to the Writing Center is only five months away. That makes it seem a lot closer. Being away from home for a month will be kind of hard. I'll miss William. And everyone else. I hope I'll be able to make it a productive and reflective time, worth the scholarship they gave me.

In reference to mood

This morning: sleepy and rather befuddled. Was up for several hours last night, making me concerned about when I go off my sleep medication. Is this how it will be, only worse? I'm going to try to go to the local support group this evening to talk about it and be around some fellow sufferers. I don't know if that's the right word. Fellow people-on-an-interesting-journey?

I im'ed my brother Brett yesterday. We haven't spoken in quite a while. Sounds like they're very busy per usual. Mom and Dad get back from CA on Tuesday the 15th. William is supposed to go pick them up but it is game night.

I think part of the problem yesterday between William and me was my mood disorder creeping in. It's hard to know a lot of the time when it's happening. To William, I'm "grumpy," which is sometimes true, but sometimes I'm just struggling with internal demons and it's hard to appear normal. A big part of the question for me is figuring out what normal is, then judging the rest of my behavior against it. I think I'm usually "normal," but what does it mean when I have swings up or down? Isn't that normal for me, too? It's certainly part of who I am. It doesn't define me or make me who I am, but it's there. This is both easy and hard to write about. I don't want to be judged. The stigma is there, alive and well. I hope people are more understanding of it today than in the past; I know they are, but I feel wary. If it could be understood as something like high blood pressure, diabetes, or asthma, it would be easier to talk about. It's a disorder and you treat it. Medication makes it better but doesn't make it go away entirely. It will never go away. That is the brick wall I come up against, and it's frightening. However, I know I've gotten so exponentially better since eight years ago. What my doctor and I have done has worked. There was a lot of trial and error, let me tell you. But we found things that worked for a space of time, then tried other things when those stopped working. I feel like she's been my partner in all this. I'm so grateful to have her. The side effects have been legion, but the only one that really bothers me now is weight gain. I can't seem to lose weight even though I'm exercising. My diet is good, though I probably consume too many calories. I get very hungry, which I think is a side effect of one of the medications. I was on one medication once which made me gain about forty pounds. Thank God I'm not on that anymore. But I have a feeling meds are part of the problem now. Enough about all this for one day.

Just a Sunday afternoon

Today was a beautiful day. I kept my window open most of the day, except when the leaf-blowing outside grew too loud. William and I went for a walk around some blocks and enjoyed the lovely weather. Then we came back home, watched the movie Hitman, and I took a nap. Cash woke me up by sticking her face right in my face and sniffing.

I talked to Mom this morning and it sounds like they're having a great time in California. My aunt and uncle have come for the weekend so it all adds to the fun. My Aunt Leslie made abelskivers (sp?) this morning, a puffy round pancake-type treat made in a special abelskiver pan.

I should be brainstorming about novel concepts and my mind keeps veering away from it. I don't know what my problem is. I am in suspense regarding the agent's response to SEA CHANGE, which I should hear at the end of next week. This is an agent who another agent recommended me to and to whom I sent my pages last June. Then she asked to see the whole manuscript. After that I heard nothing. I wrote her in December and she responded right away saying she'd get back to me soon, but again I didn't hear anything. I reminded myself how busy agents are and waited it out, not wanting to be a pest. Nancy at writing group kept trying to get me to write her again, but I resisted. Finally, I sent her a short email querying the possible location and status of my manuscript. She answered in a nice way, saying she was "ablush with agent embarrassment" and her team would take a serious look at the ms. next week and get back to me. So I'm excited to have someone seriously considering SEA CHANGE, which I had put on a back burner after finishing PHOTOGRAPHIC. Christie has offered to help me sent out pages again now after she's gotten into the groove of motherhood, I guess, and I need to take her up on it. PHOTO needs to be out there and it's all my fault if it's not.

William and I are getting on each other's nerves today. It's just one of those days. It's hard to fix once you get started. Someone accidentally hurts the other person's feelings, then trying to explain it it just gets worse somehow. Usually we're able to work these things out very easily but today, not so much. Maybe if we go on another walk it will help. Walks usually do.

Not asleep

Yesterday we went to Wren and Anthony's for, you guessed it, the transferral of more mead. I don't know if I've mentioned the Great Mead Caper William and Anthony are embarked upon. They are making their own honey wine, called mead, and which is very popular with the Renaissance set. We went to a special store, "Make Your Own Beer and Wine," to buy some supplies, then headed out to their house. I instantly became a bump on a long and fell asleep on their very comfortable couch. Meanwhile Wren went to get a truckload of dirt for her vegetable garden. Then she got another truckload of dirt. Finally it was full (Anthony built a frame for it). Then I woke up and got to see what everyone else had been working on (see effects of insomnia, earlier post). They got about twenty bottles of mead out of their venture, while Wren was watering her garden-to-be. I played with Cutie Pie, their son Elijah, for a little bit, then went outside to see at the garden. It looked beautiful. All that rich dirt.

We had to hustle home, unfortunately missing a tasty spaghetti dinner, to meet Lori, a friend of William's and mine from The Crossings, where William used to work. We met and drove down to Town Lake for a walk, leaving home around seven p.m. The weather was sunny, a bit cool, and quite perfect. We talked about languages, work, and writing. We tried to go to Daily Juice to have a smoothie after, but they had just closed. A smoothie would have been perfect.

I've read the edited version of "Love for Real" again and am not sure how I feel about it. It's in a different style from my earlier writing. More spare. I added in a little description but am not sure if that added to the story. Will have to run in by Writing Group next weekend. We normally meet every other Tuesday, but are making an exception because Mimi has a month-long job.

Right now William is sleeping peacefully while I write this. I woke early as usual. Usually I go back to bed later after I'm sleepy again. Not quite sleepy yet but can't think of anything else to say, maybe because it's an ungodly hour.

French toast

William made French toast on this, a Saturday morning. So far my dinner specialty seems to be meatballs and marinara. And okay, I didn't make them by hand. But they're good! This morning I kept up Mom's tradition of washing all the towels on Saturday. Yesterday I did a lot of chores and there were more this morning. It's a fight to keep up with this house. And the cats. Now Xena has started lunging for you if you come in kitty-flight-zone distance. William thinks Cash's almost constant meowing is due to her age. I've decided not to yell at her about it. She didn't used to be that way, so it make sense. It's just that it sets your nerves on edge sometimes, especially when she does a particular plaintive meow that sounds more like a yowl. It's like, what does she want? She's been fed, she has everything (except sometimes a place on my bed, her favorite haunt). She does tend to be quiet when she's up in the bedroom.

Still liking the haircut. It's refreshing to have a change.

Hair cut

Well, I'm back. With my hair cut. I like it very much so far. I haven't washed it or anything and it's been perfectly straight-ironed and styled by Delma so I still have to see how I cope with it. I won't describe it since Mom and Dad are away and I want them to be surprised. Maybe I'll put up a picture later after they get back on the 15th.

It's the weekend but it's already filling up with things to do. Some of them fun things, but still things. William and Anthony are supposed to transfer their mead to bottles tomorrow, William having forgotten we already had plans with Lori to go for a hike. Then we have to go grocery shopping for things you can use eggs for, like quiche recipe ingredients and the makings of banana bread, because we have three, count em, three huge cartons of eggs. One was very kindly given to us by Robin, Wren's mother, from her chickens, but when I accepted it I had no idea we had two monster cartons at home. Maybe we need cake, too. Just to use up the eggs.

Cats on the rampage

The three cats have grown very needy since Mom and Dad left. They seem desperate for attention, and it's impossible to give them as much as they want. Nothing can replace Mom or Dad's shoulders (where Xena like to hang out). She's trying to climb on my shoulder this very minute, but can't because I need two hands to type.

I'm getting my hair cut today, and I am very, very afraid. The idea of chopping off my long hair after having it in pretty much the same style for ten years is scary. I'd like it to have more of a style, rather than hanging there all the time. I will have to consult with my hairdresser about this. After looking through magazines I've concluded every star, with the exception of one or two, have long hair like mine, so that didn't help much. I don't know if I'll go for shoulder-length or a shorter bob. Like I said, scary.

Now Xena is tapping my face with her paw, claws only a quarter of the way out. I think she wants shoulder time.

A day for fun

Today I am going to Lige's swimming lesson, or rather survival training in the water, and then Wren and I are going to her house to hang out until the boys get home from work. We'll have barbecue chicken. Last night I was home alone as everyone was at game night playing World of Warcraft. I made spaghetti and meatballs and had a nice bottle of Martinelli's cider with it. The bran-applesauce muffins I made are still edible (barely--they're not very sweet, only really tolerable with honey on them). I'm contemplating cutting my hair off and it's kind of scary. I've had long hair for so long it feels like a security blanket. Also it keeps my neck warm. Luckily I have a really good hairdresser so I have to put my faith in her that she will help guide me in the right direction and give me something that looks good. Of course now my hair is acting unusually cooperative and prettily wavy as if to say, "You don't want to do anything to me." I've just recently learned of the advantages of hairspray on long hair, not to make it poufy but to give a kind of separated look to the waves. I bought a $7 magazine that said Celebrity Hairstyles on the front. Come to find out there is not a single celebrity in there. It's all weird-looking photographs of women with unrealistically funky haircuts. So much for help in that department.

William and I went for a late-night walk after he got back from game night. It was nice, a little windy, but we didn't get back home until 12. We're up with the birds though!

Sleep and other musings

I haven't been able to sleep well for the last few nights, or couple of weeks, actually. Should make it interesting coming off my sleep medication. I wake up around twelve, am up for two or three hours, then go back to sleep. Then I'm up again at six or seven. I need a nap in the day to catch up. Interrupted sleep is no joke. It makes me feel strange and light-headed during the day. This is good practice for motherhood, right? That's the way I'm looking at it.

Carolyn M. and I went for a long walk yesterday in the drizzle. It was a good walk even though a bit soggy and wet. We had to change when we got back home. Then she worked on her drawing (she starts school to be an Interior Designer today) and I edited a short story, "Love for Real". I have an idea for a series of stories based on songs. What would be so cool if they got published is to include a CD with all the songs. I suppose I could just include a track list. I'm only on my second story, and the first isn't finished, so I have a ways to go. Still thinking about that inkling of an idea for a novel. It needs to germinate for a little while. Luckily I have months and months before I go to the writers' retreat so I have plenty of time to get something well started beforehand.

An interesting development on the vacation front. The trip we're planning to take to CA in July may be able to extended if William can get permission to work from "home" during the second two weeks. Our friends have offered to let them use their high-speed Internet at their house (our house only has dial-up). I'm trying not to get too excited yet but it would be splendiferous. I would love to stay for a whole month. I've done that once before, on my own in January, quite a few years ago. It was a wonderful time, my own little retreat. When I got back home the cars passing on the streets here sounded so loud.

Still haven't heard what prize we're getting for Renaissance Magazine. First prize is a $1500 costume. Second is a $500 gift card to a Renaissance store. Third, I think, are matching pendants worth $150. We can't lose, really. The pictures we sent were the best of the lot, and there were a lot of pictures, believe me!