All Over The Map

I found a few more maternity clothes today. A nice shirt, an ugly (but will be cool in summer) shirt, and shorts. Not looking forward to the heat this summer. Just driving around in the temperate early spring has me breathing hard from the exertion sometimes--imagining doing it when it's 100 out is daunting. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I had a toddler with me, too. I'm thankful I don't have to do that right now. Hauling myself around is challenge enough at the moment.

William and I went to a Pampered Chef party tonight. I've been to one before and really liked it. That time I bought William a spatula and it's been indestructible. It doesn't melt, it doesn't discolor. It's awesome. So this time we got an apple corer and a big thing you can bake or microwave meals in. You can cook a whole chicken in it in the microwave in a half hour. We're going to host our own party on April 4th. The Pampered Chef person comes and fixes a couple of dishes for everyone to eat and you can check out their products.

Birthing classes start soon! Lisa just had her baby and was like, "Epidural is the way to go!" so I need some positive natural birth ideas. Plus I've seen three women giving birth in movies recently and they all screamed a lot which doesn't help. There is truly very little variation in the TV and movie portrayals of women giving birth. They seem to fall in with the cliches every time.

A friend on Facebook posted an article in Time about how some people are proposing we divorce marriage from the government and have everyone get civil unions in whatever tradition they choose. In other words, like baptism and confirmation and bar mitzvahs, they would not be managed by the government. In that way everyone who wanted to get married, could. I understand gay people wanting to have the rights and privileges of marriage. I don't think they would want to have a watered-down version of marriage in its place. It's because marriage is marriage, with all its associations and complications and rights, that they want it in the first place. So I don't think that's a solution to the problem. I personally don't understand why people feel giving gays all legal rights of marriage somehow undermines their own concept of it or would "hurt families." I can't see a connection there at all. I think the change is inevitable and it's a matter of time until it happens everywhere. Withholding the rights of others has been a heritage of the human race. The more enlightened we become, the less we restrict rights to the majority. And so far, that adjustment has always been a positive thing.

Today I felt a jolt when I read that in 1960 a single woman of any age would have had to have a male co-signer to get a mortgage.

I also read that Portugal decriminalized all drugs, going back to 2001. I didn't know that and am surprised it hasn't been more discussed in the media. They had a serious problem with international drug traffic and decided to take drastic action. I haven't read yet what kind of results they've had, but apparently it's worked so far for them or they wouldn't have kept the law. My grandfather, who is quite conservative, has long believed in decriminalization. It's fascinating to think what would happen to the billion-dollar illegal drug industry if drugs were legalized. Would all the drug murders in Mexico stop?

I'll have to read up on Portugal and report back.

Twilight

Twilight was very good. It struck me as a kind of old-fashioned movie-making, with a more thoughtful, deliberate approach instead of frenetic action interspersed to spice up what the filmmaker clearly feels are the "boring bits" of people talking. It wasn't big budget, no big action; it concentrated on the relationship at its center. I have a feeling the second movie will not be like this.

It's a pretty day today. I have the window open.

Saturday

I got my massage. William gave me a great massage last night and it helped me relax and get some better sleep. I was still up five or six times to go to the bathroom but I was able to sleep in-between. I'm in a more positive frame of mind today!

I watched The Women yesterday. Pretty awful. I love the movie from 1939 and have seen it many times. The remake of 2008 was written and directed by a women, starred only women, and was full of what I perceived as sexist cliches. What happened? Annette Bening was good but that was about it.

Aggrieved

Feeling mad at the world today. For a variety of reasons. Probably mostly because I couldn't sleep last night and got so frustrated just lying there, being tired but not able to sleep. I finally hauled out the laptop and watched an episode of The Office off Netflix in the early morning hours.

Everything in the newspaper aggravated me when I read it after I got up. From Rick Perry's decision not to accept stimulus aid for unemployment because Texas businesses would have to pay more to unemployment insurance in the future (now they pay about $24 per employee per year), to the ignoramus in the editorials who thinks teen pregnancy is caused chiefly by sexually abused girls trying to avoid more sexual abuse (?) instead of by lack of education. God forbid we teach teenagers how to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs. This is Texas, remember. We have certain standards to uphold, and the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the country is one of them! We're number one! Oh, wait, I just double-checked my facts. We're number two. We've got work to do, folks. More abstinence-only education, please.

Even the octo-mom is pissing me off now. I felt mostly empathy for her and concern over all the hostility aimed at her and her family. Now I'm thinking it really is irresponsible to keep having children when you don't have the means to care for them. When other people are going to have to care for your children because it would be an impossible task to care for them yourself, what were you really thinking? Where's the projection into the future of how it's going to be?

I know I'm in a bad mood when even a comic strip like "Sally Forth" is irritating. Like I said, everything in the paper was provoking me. I don't even want to get started on Disney's harebrained remake of Escape to Witch Mountain into a "Rock" vehicle, Race to Witch Mountain. You can tell from the ads that movie is primarily focused on the taxi driver Rock character and not the children. How could they take a good, interesting story about very smart kids who are also aliens with curious powers and make it into the story of the adult who has to drive them somewhere and mugs to the camera at every opportunity. I can see the Disney meeting. "Kids love the Rock!"

I need a massage and a box of thin mints. Or maybe Jane Austen and some fluffy socks. Yoga and Enya music? Something has to be able to make it better.

Foot Heaven

I am having a great day. Even though I couldn't sleep until 3:30 last night. Writing group was really good; they like my new story so I'm happy. They like it better than Audra, my previous project which I stalled out on. After writing group I went to the nail salon and had a pedicure. They rub your legs and feet for a long time and it felt so good. I just closed my eyes and let myself be transported to heaven. It's hard for me to reach my own feet now so I appreciate having my feet pampered. I debated to myself about whether to get the pedicure to go to Goodwill and pick up a couple more maternity clothes but I decided I'd rather have my feet rubbed.

How Far Can a Pregnant Woman Hike?

We went for a nice long four-mile walk yesterday in Georgetown along the San Gabriel River with Alan and Kim. The dogs came, too. Another, more strenuous expedition is on Thursday, when a group are going to Enchanted Rock for Alan's birthday. I haven't decided if I'm going on that. I looked up Enchanted Rock online and studied the trails. I visited there as a freshman in college and remember the hike being fairly steep. There's a hike up to the top of the dome and another around the rock. I think I could do the loop trail no problem but don't know how hard it would be to climb a steep elevation.

Lisa, my college roommate, had her baby. It's funny we both got married and are having babies in very much the same timeline.

I have to watch The Duchess today. I've been keeping this Netflix copy for ages.

One of the people I'm friends with on Facebook is a successful writer. I don't know her personally; she requested me as a friend, don't know how she came across me. Reading her status updates is like a window into another world. One of her novels is being made into a television pilot. She also had an acting role in the pilot, apparently. She just said she reserved a place on the Vineyard for August. Wow. A place on the Vineyard for August. She traveled to London and Paris recently. It's vicarious fun.

We went to see the River City Pops on Saturday. It was a reunion show. My former high school choir teacher helped form the group and she was back guest-conducting one of the numbers. I was fascinated by the predilection for what they used to call "falls" in the hair of the female singers. I counted seven synthetic pony tails. I wonder who started it? Is there pressure to have a full ponytail? I think the baby's first memory might be hearing "Bohemian Rhapsody." It was at high volume and we were almost in the front row. It was my favorite number. They have a lot of choreography to remember. I was trying to tell William all about "jazz hands" but he wasn't familiar with it.

William got to feel the baby move for the first time last night. He felt it twice. It was very exciting. Now I know it's not just me feeling things. It seems so unlikely I haven't really trusted it. Is that really the baby? The baby seemed to be doing some kind of clog dance last night, all night long. And it's only a one-pounder right now! Yikes! It's thumping away again now. Kind of like playing a drum.

Prenatal Yoga

I went to a prenatal yoga class at Yoga Yoga. I haven't practiced yoga for a couple of years and I could really tell in the first downward dog! We did a great breathing meditation exercise where you extend the length of your inhales and exhales gradually. It was very calming. A balance exercise where you stretch one leg out behind you (was it Warrior III?) as you're stretching your torso and arms forward was challenging but we all did it, including the woman about to give birth. It felt like flying. The teacher, Alice, talked about support of different types and how each individual knows what supports her best. She asked us to think about what we need as support during our pregnancies. (I thought, it's good for me to go to movies!) Going to a good movie is like some kind of psychological shift. It reminds me of what riding did for me in college. Gets me out of my head and into another world, which is incredibly refreshing. During the breathing exercise I felt less aware of any discomfort in my body as I concentrated on the breath. I pretty much forgot about my body. That could come in useful during labor! Yoga Yoga really has a nice setup. Friendly people, nice yoga rooms, a cup of tea ready for you when you get out of class: a serene atmosphere.

I could feel some of the limitation in my shoulder but it wasn't too bad. I could join my hands behind my back (one elbow up and one down) in one direction but not in the other. I wonder if yoga could help me get back more range on that side.

Then I stopped by William's work which is right near by and we went to lunch. It's always good to see him in the middle of the day. I told him how I read over one of my journals last night and I had forgotten in 2004 (before we got together) I contemplated quitting Barnes and Noble and moving back to Los Angeles. I'm glad I didn't. It's funny because I also talked about a strange longing to move to Vermont. Little did I know I'd get to go to the Vermont Studio Center a few years later. Of course, my affection for Vermont probably played into my applying there. What is that line of poetry? "I begin to see/New Englandly." Something like that.

Last writing group I showed the group a poem I wrote while I was in Vermont, one of the ones I wrote for William to mark our first anniversary. The first person who commented wrote it made her tear up and the other two agreed. It made me teary when I wrote it so I'm glad the feeling communicated. I haven't written any poems for the baby yet. I wrote one for my cousin Laura's daughter when she was a baby and I'm not sure if I could top that.

For Kathryn Whitney Paul at Her First Xmas

To be a few months old is a lovely thing
To laugh and cry and smile and swing.
Your cares are few, but Mummy hears them
in a wink.
It wouldn’t do to keep it in, all the
other babies think.
Your grannies and your aunties and
your Daddy love you so:
We see the sparkle in you now
they’ll talk about when
you are grown.